A Single Frame

I decided to take some vacation to visit my relatives in Nicaragua.  I hadn't visited the country for 13 years.  We came as a whole family in 1999.  Since then my mother has mostly returned on her own.  In 2008 my sister, Jessica, did a research trip based on a theology class she took at LMU.  We have both been inspired by my aunt's story due to our participation in the annual protest of the School of the Americas at Fort Benning to commemorate the assassination of the Jesuit priests at UCA in November by students trained in their program.  That's how I learned the US trained Nicaragua's National Guard that killed my aunt.  In Jessica's theology class they briefly mentioned Fr. Ernesto Cardenal and the Gospel of Solentiname from Nicaragua so she desired to come to do some interviews and study further.  My mother accompanied her as a guide and translator and she also learned a lot more details about her sister's involvement in the Sandinista uprising.  Now that I was going on my own a few years later I wondered if I should use this as an opportunity to really investigate my aunt's story.

Unfortunately, I didn't really come prepared for any such project.  I was too busy with work and life to get myself ready by studying things beforehand and figuring out what kind of information I wanted to pursue.  I decided to let it all go and not bring any specific objectives to my trip.  I just wanted to be with my family.  I wanted to see my aunt and uncles and spend time with my cousins.  It was just about being with one another.  Basically my week was filled with food, drink, music and dancing, all enjoying the company.  It was wonderful.

I did make the point to visit the memorial on the hill where my aunt fell to the National Guard.  I thought that would be the extent of my experience of her.  Standing on the ground where she stood, capturing the land and air.  I had seen photos from when my sister visited and images of the memorial is all over the tribute blog I found.  I was still surprised to see it.  Knowing the art on the murals didn't take away from being there.  It wasn't what I expected but I'm not sure what I thought I'd get from being there.  I gained no new info, but soaked in the imagery.

It was another image, however, that I was not expecting to find that captured my intrigue and fascination.  On my very last day in Nicaragua, while waiting at my cousin's house in Managua, we went through old photo albums.  I looked through tons of pictures of my family's youth.  There I truly discovered a gem.  It wasn't within the album pages but a loose picture.  In it was my Tía Nordia, my Tía Alba, who passed away from cancer a few years ago, my mother and my Abuelita.  It wasn't a posed portrait but a candid shot that captured the charm of the moment.  They were listening to my mother say something and she happens to be the only person in the picture who is still alive.  All the women looked beautiful.  It was perfect.

I knew instantly this picture was important.  I wanted to keep it so bad.  However, I knew I couldn't take it away from my cousin because it was such a beautiful picture of her mother.  I snapped my own picture of it.  I wanted to know more about this moment.  I suddenly knew that if my journey searching for my aunt's story would come to fruition in a book/screenplay or movie this scene had to be in it.  I want to see this frame reincarnate on screen.  This single frame held so much within it.  I want to convey that emotion and allure.  Interestingly enough, the photo that both my sister and I carried of our aunt during the SOA protest is from this same day.  She's wearing the same dress.  I've also seen other pictures of my mother in this blouse.  I never knew it was from the same day.  Suddenly I had a behind-the-scenes glimpse of these women and their interactions beyond their familiar posed portraits.

This is the way my mother remembers my Tía Nordia.  This is how she was when she left her.  Before she cut her hair, before the weight of the war was really etched in her face.  As my mother was heading to the US to study, her sister gave her photo of herself to remember her.  It was the photo taken from this same day of the group picture.  I knew already I was interested in exploring that good-bye. I want to show that painful handing off of the photo, the same photo that would find its way to the gates of Fort Benning.  Now I know I must also recreate the moment of taking that picture in the first place.

I feel truly blessed to uncover such a special picture and really hope to take advantage of this discovery and put some meaning behind it.  I know I traveled to Nicaragua to visit my family, but I feel finding this photo was part of my purpose from coming.  It has given me a renewed interest in this journey, to finding the personal side of this terrible part of history.  I aim to understand the story better and I will strive to do it justice.  It is impressive what the power of a single frame can do.